Revised: Desiderare Domus

For the past year and a half, "Desiderare Domus" (Latin for "Desired Home) has been the working title for my novel in progress. (Read preface and excerpts in blog.)
Recently, however, I've been rethinking the whole concept of the story. Originally, the tale was told my a personified form of "Desire", and DesDom was a place in our hearts we created to satisfy our unreachable dreams.
Then, in a closer look, I realized this whole idea of the concrete DesDom, was really just a more material form of a dream, so I spun with that.
Now, instead of desire, the tale is told by the equivalent of the sand man, or the creator of dreams. (Haven't really decided this yet...)
And instead of desire, the story is about dreams, and healing through them. So instead of Desiderare Domus, we have somehting along the lines of Somnium, or, insanity. Basically, insomnia.
So, I've revised the preface to fit these changes, and I'd like to know what you all think. Should I stick with desires, or head more towards dreams?



Note: Not many changes were made, except I've recreated the voice to fit the persona of dreams instead of ruthless desires, and changed the "desire" message to "dream."




Preface
Our Narrator and Our Desires

I take a waning breath before beginning the tale I’ve been telling for eternity.
I exhale.
I dig into you, and find that you are waiting.
Always waiting. Always expecting.
Never calm. Never still.
But you’re only human, and I cannot blame you.
I speak to you for not the first time, for you’ve all spoken to me at some point in your lives. In fact, you speak to me every day, whether you hear yourself or not.
I hear you.
I ask a question, but waver that you may take your time with the answer. I’ve discovered that humans tend to rush in the matter of time, again, whether they see it or not.
Maybe because they haven't learned yet that time is of the essence, or because, after all, time has never truly been on their side.
Time is on my side. It always will be.
I am forever.
My question, my ever-significant request, is that you never forget the story I am preparing to tell you. This story is long, this story is troubling, and it speaks to each and every one of you.
You just might not hear it.
And if you do, it’s because I’m whispering it into your ears.
It’s because I want you to hear it.
I need you to cherish it.
And I am allowed to need things. Just like you. My job is to help you find your path in this spinning world, to force your eyes to see straight when you grow dizzy. To show you life, in things called dreams.
I have dreams, too, though.
I fulfill yours, sometimes...
It amazes me, how this favor is a one way train. How I give, and I give....and yes, listeners, I love every second of it. I love to dream, and every night, I dream with you. We dream together, of a place far away, yet so close, where everything is perfect, at last.
It's hard to find that place,though, so you need to close your eyes, and watch me, so closely, and together we'll find the moral of this story called life.

So for a moment, I’m going to take your hand.
Don’t be alarmed, I’ve done that before.
You're all just too distracted to feel it.

For a split second, I will reach into your soul.
I've done that, too, countless times. I live there, you see.
And there, I’m going to give to you a story.
My story.
Their story…
Your story.

Listen to it, hold it, and remember it. If there is anyone, anything besides God himself in this universe that is ever close to your heart anymore than you are, it’s me. I know perfectly well that there is so very much you want from me, so much you desire and are doubting exists.
It does exist. It all does.
And I want nothing more than to give it to you.
You see, I give my gifts to all who seek them.
I give to you, and I ask nothing in return.
I fulfill every dream you’ve ever hatched, and receive nary a reward.
But this time....this time will be different. I'm gonna ask something of you, my listeners, this time.
It's my turn.
I ask one thing: Just listen to me.
Yes, listen. Open your hearts and listen to my story. After all, you’re the star. You see, you’re going to find yourself within this tale. You’re going to see a part of your heart, your soul, waiting for you.
When you see that piece, you will have a choice:
Either pick it up, or leave it behind.
Simple.
Excruciating.
Because if you’re one of the ones who plan to leave it behind, you won’t ever have the chance to pick it up again.
Because you don’t recognize it.
Because you don’t even know yourself.

But that’s why I’m here, so I can’t complain. If it weren’t for you broken souls who have lost yourselves in the middle of the road, what would I be? Where would I be? What would become of me?
Of dreams?

I have questions, too.
You’re not the only ones.

So close your eyes now, my listeners, and envision yourself away from here. Picture a place built of whatever you wish, whatever you desire in the hidden deeps of your soul. This can’t be too difficult; we’ve all been here countless times before.
In our dreams.
You have designed this place, for none other than yourself. With my assistance, of course. Without me, your dreams would be unreachable.
Life, child, is not yours to choose.
But it is yours to fix, and yours to redeem.
And you’re the only one who can do that.
Here, in this place you’ve been dreaming of, you are free to do precisely that. You are free to fill the blank canvas of your past, present, and future with anything you could ever dream of.
And the sky stands back, not daring to be your limit.

You will walk these streets, and you will meet other souls who are here with you, though they’re not seeing exactly what you’re seeing. They’re seeing they’re own haven.
And alongside them, you’re going to see me. Though unlike on earth, I’m not solid.
I am translucent and wasting.
But I do not mourn. That’s what I’ve been waiting for.
When I’m gone, I’ll know that I’ve completed my task correctly. I’ll know your desires have been entirely fulfilled.
I've lived so long, understand. Longer than you could ever imagine. I've been solid, heavy and burdened, forevermore. My only dream, you see, is to waste away, just a little.
When I’m gone, I’ll know that I’ve completed my task correctly. I’ll know your desires have been entirely fulfilled.

This is a dream, listeners.
It is home, hope, fantasy, impossibilities.
It's everything we can't find in reality, but that's ours in sleep.
It's shelter, and it's your salvation.
You are always welcome here, remember.
And this land is for anyone who’s ever had a dream.
A wish.
A prayer.

So open your eyes, and be welcome.
Go build your home.
Go dream a little dream.

I’ll be right here, forever.

And I’ll be waiting.

I’ll be waning.

Something From Nothing

One of my favorites :)
An abstract poem about hope from depression.

All my life, I've watched
with glazed eyes, as the great Earth spins.
I've watched the clouds,
the stars,
the moon.
I've watched fickle time, tickin' by...
tick tock, tick tock.
Tick tock.
I've been counting each passing number.
So that I might see, and remember.
I've watched the sparks of first love die,
I've watched
I've listened
to the colors in their eyes.
To the songs in their hearts.
I've seen children, barefoot children,
running so fast
so fast
and not understanding why...why..
why they cannot
slow down
slow down
slow down, please.
Let me catch up.
All my life, I've watched.
With glazed eyes, I've seen everything.
But yet, I'm seeing nothing.
Nothing at all.
There came a time...
This time, I swear,
glazed eyes of mine, they finally sprung wide.
I saw in the face, of a small child,
that there is
indeed
such a thing
as something out of
nothing.
He sat, swinging back,
back and forth,
The creaking of the swing set, I heard it.
So loud, so loud.
And so, I watched him
with glazed eyes
as the great Earth spun him
round and
round.
And in his face
in his swimming eyes
I think, I remember,
that I saw there, a lion
his roar
so loud, so loud.
And the boy heard it.
A nightmare inside of him.
And it scared him.
It scared him.
In his eyes,
I heard the horrid hiss,
of a cobra, as it pounces
on its pathetic prey.
It took this boy by the neck
by the neck
and told him,
whispered inside of him,
all of the forbidden follies, nature hides.
And what the boy heard...
it scared him.
It scared him.
I watched with glazed eyes
as the curtains began to open, within him.
I saw the crowd, as they jeered
and laughed at him.
Painted faces.
Broken mirrors.
It scared him. So much.
It scared him.
But, when you live a life,
where all you do is watch,
you learn that there is
indeed
such a thing
as something out of
nothing.
Because, while the great Earth spun
so fast
so fast
so fast...
Somehow, God's child did not
grow dizzy.
He closed his eyes
He lifted his feet
and he swung
on that creaking swing
strung 'round that creaking tree.
In the cracks of his tear stained face,
the lion grew tame.
The snake,
grew lame.
And the crowd...
Well, honestly,
It was never more,
than a game.
Because all of us
atop a browning land
dizzy, as the great Earth spins,
see nothing but hope
in his eyes.
From the terrors of the jungle,
to the roaring of a crowd,
there comes a time,
When something must, then,
come from nothing.
And from watching, my whole life,
I have seen that the best of God's gifts,
The hope,
And strength,
and faith,
Can only be found,
in the weakest of our fickle
tickin' minutes.
So, take my hand.
Take a seat in the crowd.
And let's watch.
Let's watch, please,
as something
comes
from
nothing.

Basophobic

"Basophobia"-Fear of Walking


Take a step, and then another
Take a breath, defy the thunder.
Close your eyes, I'll be right here
Just one more step, let's dry those tears.
The sky is vast, an endless sea
The ground is right there, under me.
I promise now, on this cool eve,
truth be told, an endless weave.
If you shall stumble,
tremble,
leap,
I grant to you, my soul to keep.
So take a step, and then another
and hang on tight, we're going farther.
Open your eyes, I'll be right here
You've gone so far, farewell to fear.
Sincerest of covenants, I swing to your hands
Catch this small parcel, rain in the lands.
Soak the warmth, upon your skin
I promise, love, the sky will win.
Take this step...
and then another
Take a breath, inhale this wonder.
You're running so fast, you're moving so far
and don't be afraid, to reach for the stars.
The heavens scream of the gold we've sewed,
So, don't look back, and keep your eyes on the road.
My soul to keep, love.
Truth be told.

Shadows, Yes: But Also Light

Read first as a conversation between opposing forces, but transitions into a poem from a single perspective. Enjoy!


Do you know yourself?
I do.
What's your name?
But it's unspoken.
Is it loud?
It's...soft.
Are you warm?
I'm kind of cold. A little cold...
Are you dark?
I am gray. The fairest, hoarsest shade.
Can I touch you?
You can't feel me.
Take my hand.
But I have none.
Take my mind.
It's run away.
Run away?
Into the sun.
And you can't reach?
No, I can't move. Can't move.
Come out from the shadows. Coem out from the veil.
But the veil won't let me out. I seem to be stuck.
Is it ever gold, a life in gray?
Is it ever gray? A life in gold?
I dare decline. It's always bright.
Must be tight...
No. Wide, I'd fight...
What a sight! The sight of open...
Do you yearn? For more than close?
I only reach, for her, and him.
For her and him?
For those who have moved on.
Away from you.
Away from me.
Where have they gone?
They've gone outside.
And they did not take you with them.
No, they left me. For the light.
Left me here, to fight.
Oh, light...a burning sight.
I'm just a shadow, dark and gray,
lost amid these walls of black, I'll never find my way.
And you, you taunt me, from afar.
You taunt this sallow nightmare, where I have lived apart.
You shine down on this sleepign town,
Yet, you never fail to pass me,
This shadow, tied and bound.
So now I reach, I fly much higher.
And I pray this mold shall break.
I sing a song, of black and white.
Tag along, dusted color's broken kite, I sail,
Never emerging gray, or dark.
So shine down, shine on me bright,
and show to me, this world.
Where all I am, and all I've known
Now can see, that I have flown.
That night stands back,
the day rides on,
and slowly, now, I'll fall apart.
I let go now, of grays and blacks,
of this shadow I once knew.
I left the veil, all hail, all hail!
For I am now set free
no longer shall I be
just the shadow, they can't see.
strung so high, a rope off light.
Bid farewell, to naive fright.
Fly tonight, this hallowed flight.
Shine bright.
Shadow's yes...
But also light.

Fairest in the Land

Poem about finding ones inner self :P
{How lovably cliche...}


Shadow, shadow
on the floor
who am I?
I so implore.
He grants no answers
but asks the questions.
Identical thoughts, of my own conventions.
I tilt my head
he tilts his, too.
Tell me, shadow,
what I should do.
But he speaks no response
he mirrors me, once.
Same wilted posture
a question that haunts.
Shadow, shadow
in the grass
we're running out of time, to pass.
If I am you
and you are me,
Tell me, shadow,
what do you see?
Am I fair enough, to belong to you?
Am I bright enough? The perfect hue?
I can only pray
I'm who I say
but I hope, my shadow, that you agree
and admire the girl, I'll one day be.
I hope you laugh, with your shadow friends,
about all the odds, and all the ends.
And through every barren street we've ran,
I've collected my memories
you've taken my hand.
Shadow, shadow
way down low
my entire life, you've told me where to go.
You've never lead me, anywhere wrong
and through every twist, you've shaped me strong.
So, tell me, shadow,
is this really me?
But he utters no assurance
he asks my questions, limp endurance.
He nods his head
I bow mine, too.
Another inch, my shadow grew.
We've got forever
to seek identity.
And someday, then, we'll clutch divinity.
Shadow, shadow,
on the wall
thank you for carrying me
through it all.